Dear Village of Orland Park Police Department,
It is absolutely ridiculous for you to actually go out and look for dangerous criminals, when the expired-plate-drivers are the real threat. How dare the residents of such a fine city ask you to do anything more - like exercise, eat right, or stop being such A-holes? Your boner for authority naturally comes with the career. You can't help it. And why should you? People must be jealous of all your perks, such as free McDonalds and unofficial exemption from the law. I completely understand why you drive around the mall parking lot and write tickets for someone's 1-day-expired license plate.
Doesn't everyone know how hard you really work? How much effort it takes for you to get out your ticket book and use a pen? It is mentally exhausting just thinking about it. I should award you for your valiant efforts the next time I cross your path. However, that may be a while. I have decided to avoid Orland Park at all costs, and refuse to endorse the city. But, I am sure you understand, and don't want a blood-thirsty, expired-plate-driver like me ruining your city with my retail purchases.
♥
-Me
